New Grocery Store Fail

After 4 days of living in the new house and living off of the one bag of chips and 1 jar of salsa I decided it was time to venture to the local grocery store. (read: walmart neighborhood market)

Let me tell you, I didn't realize how good I had it in Norman until I visited this lovely grocery store. Which by the way, I was told is the nicest in the area. So, I've got my list prepared, I know where the store is, I get there with no problems, park, get my cart and walk in. Now, I already felt out of my element because I had no idea how this store was organized. I found myself in the produce area 4 separate times.  Since when are the eggs and bacon stored by the produce?

I go up to the deli counter, there's a woman in front of me that orders, "I want some ham, but I only got $2, don't give me any more than $2 of ham". Ummm I've never heard anyone order their deli meat this way. 
Inner dialouge: "Where am I? And how much meat can you get for just $2?" The woman looks back at me, "It's hoagie night at our house." "Yum" I say. So I get my meat and cheese and I'm headed to the produce department, I find most of the stuff I need and then I see the orange juice, I need pinapple orange juice. (Add a splash to your margaritas, you won't be sorry!) I must've stared at the orange juice section for 3 minutes, a girl got all huffy because she couldn't get to her Sunny D. "My bad, I'm new here" After I gave up on finding the pineapple oj, I turned the corner to find another section of "specialty oj's" awesome. I deserve a marg already.

I manage to make my way through the aisles and cross things off my list, but I was never the only person on the aisle, and there were at least 5 times when the item I needed was being blocked by someone. This grocery trip is taking way longer than expected. I can't find italian flavored sausage. I give up. Time to go.

All the lines are backed up, I find one behind 2 gay guys, score, people I'm not scared of. They say something about how busy it is tonight. I say, "Yeah, is it always this busy? I just moved over here and am a little bit in shock." Without hesitation, the checker chimes in, "Yeah it's because it's the first of the month." Me and the gays look at each other, uh what's the significance of that? "Everyone just got their food stamps," the checker chimes in again.  Inner dialouge: What?? The gays look at me with the same thought, "I guess just come at the end of the month to avoid that?" The checker says, "No, at the end of the month they're trying to get rid of last months food stamps." "Ohhhh k, so just come in the middle of the month to be safe," the gays say. "But if there's a snow storm it gets really busy," says the checker. Inner dialogue: no shit lady I'm not retarded.

As the gays leave, they look at me and say, "good luck". Inner dialogue: Thanks I'll need it. The checker rings up my food, but if the item won't swipe the first time, she types in all the little numbers on the bar code. Inner dialogue: Jesus lady, try and swipe it again!

I'm finally done, I've paid and am waiting on my receipt. "Be careful out there," says the checker.
Inner dialogue: Grrrreat, what's waiting for me out there? Get me home and get me a marg!

So I've decided I will be doing my grocery shopping at lunch in Norman with the nice open aisles, orange juice all in one place and no annoying checkers. I can picture myself now, skipping through the produce and pushing my cart back and forth. Just like Elaine when Kramer made the 4 lane highway into 2 lanes. "I'm loving these open lanes!"